Don't Pass on Your Anxiety

Starting school again after a fun-filled and adventurous few months together, can bring up emotions that none of us really like to deal with. Scott, my husband, has shared that he gets those tummy flutters that used to come when he was elementary school-aged, and I remember wanting to amp up my organization so I was prepared. (I might be a bit of a organization geek)

So now that we have Skye in our lives and he's going into grade 2 (oh my heavens), we are overly aware at how our reactions and feelings toward this experience for him can be effected by what we're giving off.

There are studies out there about how infants and children will feel and express what is actually happening for the parent, guardian or those they are around. 

So for instance, if you're having a bad day and you've kept a lot of what's going on inside your head. You're thinking about conversations. You are arguing back and forth with yourself. You are feeling anxious about something that is to come. And all of a sudden (or so it seems) your little one starts to fuss more than normal, they cry, they have a fit... whatever. This is probably because they are feeling what you are feeling.

This happened quite often to me when Skye was a baby. That's when I first noticed it anyways. I'd be having stuff going on in my head and be frustrated or upset, but not voice it. Then Skye would be clingier and fussier right when I didn't need it or want it.

After it happened a bunch of times I clued in and started becoming more in-tune with what energy I was putting out there. I didn't want him to feel the way I was feeling, that's for sure. He was just little and there was no way he should have to deal with the adult-ing I was trying to do.

Flash forward to today, Skye's going into Grade 2 in a few days and here we are with a lot of questions, a lot of unknowns. Unknowns have been the worst since the day he was born, so now I'm carrying what hasn't been cared for or healed within me into the now. Super fun right!?... not... 

So, what can be done?

Some of the things that I now do is use a tool I heard of that's from AA: Run the tape to the end. With this, I envision the worry and what I'm worried about. I let it run like a movie inside my head, or out loud with Scott sometimes, so that I can get to an ending that isn't as intense or doesn't make sense. Often when I do this, I don't even get to the end before I realize there's no way I have control over what is to come and that my worrying now doesn't really have a foundation. Then more rational thoughts have space to be present and it makes it easier for me and those around me.

Another thing I do is become connected to my breathing. I try to calm my breath so I can be more clear-headed. Then I can reduce the anxiety that I am feeling and realize that the three of us together can handle anything. Heck, we've been through the NICU and a lot of other stuff, we can handle this.

And then there's remembering that Skye is on his own journey. By me passing on my crap, it does not serve him for what he is here to do. Even though our start together was scary and heavy, he doesn't remember it the same way I do, and the same goes for all these other experiences.

Transgenerational trauma can start with you and it can stop with you. The latter is my goal. All that I feel is coming along for the ride is getting rewritten if it's not serving me. I am NOT passing it on to Skye or anyone else who is around me. Only Love, even though that might be hard at times, it's something I'm working on every day, every moment that I can.

So, if you are worried right now about a transition or anything for yourself or someone you care about, take a moment and try one of the tools above. It takes practice to get used to all the inner work, but please know that it's 110% worth it!

Love you always, Leanne Rose