Counsellors Needing Counsellors: Finding yourself and building resilience
*Note: I wrote this article for the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC) to put on their blog for an upcoming series I have been gifted to be a part of. Even if you are not a counsellor or other helping professional, I know you will find nuggets for yourself within these lines.
Let me know what you think!
Love, Leanne
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Counsellors Needing Counsellors: Finding yourself and building resilience
Coming to grips with what’s happening around us and in the external world, means we have to be aware of what’s happening with the inner world most importantly. As the world is ever changing, and especially right now, uncertainties are not going away. We are seeing the effects of prolonged uncertainty with heightened anxieties that don’t want to go away, depression where there was no worry of it before, overwhelm that brings layers of exhaustion, and the question of, “will this ever end?” A person has a very difficult time getting back to their baseline in their inner world when the whole body is activated for such a long time.
One of the articles I was reading, spoke about pandemic-fatigue and how many of us are at a stress level that we have never experienced before, especially for this length of time. Being compassionate, empathetic and being able to think clearly under these conditions is a major feat. It got me thinking, with all that British Columbia has been through in 2021, from the heat waves to the highway closures to the pandemic, how are we supposed to keep holding space for ourselves and others as mental health professionals?
Hope
I was sitting in the bathroom, tapping through my points, “even though I feel this stress, I am a strong person,” over and over again.
We were stuck in Hope and all of the highways were closed. Even though we were blessed to have a roof over our heads and not be stuck in our truck on the highway somewhere, I still felt like this.
I couldn’t shake the feeling of victim. There I was with an opportunity to provide mental health care and support to others and I couldn’t because I needed someone to offer that support to me.
Traumatization happens all the time and being a counsellor you know that turning your skills inward isn’t always the easiest thing to do. ‘Practice what you preach’ they say… sometimes easier said that done because we are human too. We are living in a world that is not yet trauma informed and going through similar situations as our clients can make it extremely challenging to see through to the other side and offer something that might take the sting away, if only for a moment.
As counsellors in BC, we are full. Not only managing fuller practices than we’re used to, but we’re also managing fuller buckets of emotion with friends and family who see us as ‘the stable one.’ The layers of this mental health pandemic are only going to get deeper and more expansive while our inner worlds seemingly get lost in the mix.
In the small space we were staying in while all the highways were closed around Hope, we took in a lovely teenager who had gotten stranded on the Ebus. She was traveling on her own from Kamloops to Langley as she had been visiting an aunt. When we got the call, we had no hesitation to go and get her. Little did I think it through at that initial moment, but this was exactly what I needed: something extra to distract myself and to help me nurture that Mama Bear in me that was so ever present. I needed to be helping others to help myself and Mama Bear is great at protecting her cubs!
By the time we had our guest, the power had come back on so we luckily had running water again. The grocery store had opened and even though there was a 2 hour long waiting line, it didn’t feel so daunting.
We all settled in together. Our guest helped my son, Skye, with his homework and we all had a good night’s sleep.
We all eventually got to our respective homes and even though I had emails and messages requesting sessions that week, I took time off to realign and assess what we had just been through.
Resilience
Resiliency doesn’t come easily in the face of prolonged uncertainty. Our body will be working overtime which causes physical conditions to arise and then more mental games ensue. For many of us, being resilient isn’t something we’re taught how to be. Do you remember the resiliency tools you were taught in your Masters Degree? If there were some, great! If not, that’s okay, now is as good a time as any.
A few that I offer to you today are below. Remember that you are going to need more than these, perhaps, as life unfolds. We change constantly, and educate ourselves often, and so with each new thing that comes into our lives we have to also be aware that the way we care for ourselves is going to be ever changing. Some of the suggestions below come from caring for my son, some come from how I’ve been able to readjust in these last two years. Take what you want and leave what you will.
Emotional Regulation
Quite often, while I’m assessing myself and waiting to see my own counsellor, my mind falls back onto the techniques we use with our son. Emotional regulation through weighted blankets or stuffed friends can help me get grounded and physically feel my body on the ground again. Heightened emotions from anyone, even myself, can build up and without a release they’ll turn into something unwanted.
Figure out how you regulate your emotions. What do you do naturally when a client escalates? How do you take care of yourself throughout the week in order to release others’ emotions? What have you always wanted to try?
Give yourself some moments, I’m not asking for hours here, just a few minutes to think of a way to bring yourself back.
Realign Yourself With Your Focus
What is it that guided you to doing this work? Often when you’re overburdened and can’t see past the tip of your eyelashes, it’s hard to remember why you got into this work in the first place. It could be because those around you said you were a good listener. You may have had an exceptional counsellor yourself and through that process you connected to the counsellor within. Or it could be that you’ve always known you wanted to work in mental health to help heal the world.
Whichever form that dream took back then, what does it look like now? So much has changed and life and the Earth keeps giving us powerful opportunities to take a new point of view and reinvent what is working and what is not. Realigning yourself with what you really love doing is a way to build a new layer of resilience for yourself. Remember, no one can do this for you, it’s all on you. That might sound daunting in the grand scheme of things and yet, having done it recently myself, I know now that I have cleared many of my distractions that I allowed to pile up on me over these last two years, and I am happy to say my realignment is going well. I have breathed new life into my focus, dreams and care plan.
It’s Okay To Say ‘No’
I know you know this already and probably practice it, but where else can you say ‘no’, for now? A ‘no’ might not be forever, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, what else can be said ‘no’ to for the time being?
Catching yourself in the never ending practice of always saying ‘yes’ and then shifting it as needed, is going to help with your resilience and ability to honour your mind, body and spirit.
The Point of Futility
During temper tantrums, letting our son have the emotions that he doesn’t have words for, helping him with simple words of our own and then letting him let go and cry, has weathered many-a-storm.
I have also allowed myself to get to the point of futility in these last few years. I’ve felt exceptionally pent-up over different things and found that a good cry was exactly what I needed.
I’m always reminded of a study I read over 20 years ago about how tears have different chemical make-up. It fascinated me then, and it still gives me comfort now. We may not always have a safe space to cry in, and allowing yourself to see the pointlessness of trying to hold it all in, can in turn create space for you to release and become more of who you know you are.
It’s Not A Competition
Remember, this is not a competition.
Whether you think I’m talking about having a fuller practice that the person in the next office, or how many ‘things’ you might have at home, or how often you run or exercise, it’s not a competition.
Don’t compare yourself with anyone, to anything, and most importantly not even to yourself. There’s no space to pine about what you may have had ‘back then.’ You don’t have to have a full practice just because someone told you you do. You can have time just for yourself to replenish and refill your survival bucket. You are not in a place where others will pat you on the back and say, “good for you for burning out because you took on so many clients.” ?? (If anyone is saying that to you and you don’t agree, get out!)
Competition makes us lose sight of our passion for the work we do and then it causes us to lose motivation. Then all is lost.
Whether you’ve tried all of these things before or not, bring yourself back to the basics that work for you.
The Basics
I had to go and see a few clients and because most of them were in active addiction I never really knew if I’d find them or what I’d come across. I put a bunch of bandaids in my pocket and set out. It was always a new experience walking those streets, whether I was on my own or had a colleague join me. The people in the neighbourhood were always friendly and people knew me as “Counsellor.”
When I first began my therapeutic work in the DTES neighbourhood, an elder shared with me wisdom that I have held close to my heart all these years. She said, “If they don’t know where they are going to sleep tonight; if they don’t know where their next meal is coming from; and if they haven’t gotten their physical wounds cared for, you won’t be able to reach them for much else.”
Since then, food, shelter and bandaids have been the basis of how I meet clients where they are at and bring the relationship online so snippets of heart can be felt.
What are your basics that are not being met? Right now, take a second, a minute or more if you can, and assess what you have been yearning for. Maybe it’s that you’ve been needing some quiet time just to yourself. Or perhaps you keep dreaming of taking a walk outside instead of rushing to and from the bus. Or it could even be that you want to cook a home-cooked meal for yourself and your family instead of always getting take-out. Whatever it might be, gift yourself the time to do it.
These basics build resilience and this resilience gives you the ability to be there for yourself, which in turn allows you to be your best self for others.
Next Steps
Find a space where you can explore these ideas and struggles with others who are on a similar journey. You can join me every month for my Full Moon group or my new Fireside Chats that I'm going to be rolling out next month. Message me if you're interested in either of those, or search me out on social (FB, IG, YT, LI).
Thank you for taking this time for yourself. You are so important in this world and to the people you are supporting and helping. Moving through our challenges can be tough, we know how much work it can be, and once it has shifted enough, the light always shines through.
Thank you for shining your light.
Be well.
Love,
Leanne Rose Dorish, MA, RCC
