Crashing and Still Being Okay

Crashing into an unexpected life event when you least expect it doesn’t feel very good. It might have come out of nowhere or if there was some preparation you didn’t know all that was going to occur. You can feel alone, unsure and uncertain as to where you’re supposed to go or what you’re supposed to do.

That feeling can get even deeper and there begins to be a sense of a loss of control. You feel like every morning or every day is a new adventure in s*#t and you can not see your way out any time soon. What would it be like to let yourself sit in the feeling? This is not a place where many of us feel comfortable, especially if you’ve had a history of depression or anxiety. It can be a scary place to venture and bring you more worries than you had before because phrases like “I’m supposed to be okay by now.” “Why am I still feeling like this?” are going through your mind.

When so much has happened to you and you really don’t know which way is up or are able to see a way out, consciously and safely sitting in your stuff can actually be a powerful tool.

Many times we see this stewing as a way to get depressed and not be in the world. A hiding place where no-one really knows how you’re feeling and sometimes you’re okay with that and other times you’re not. Only you can gauge the level of these feelings that scare you. You are the only one who knows where you do and don’t want to go with these feelings and thoughts.

So if you can just notice that you’re feeling overwhelmed or totally unsure, if you can notice the thoughts going through you head and see them as information instead of a blockade, you could get yourself out of the emotions sooner than you think.

Give yourself the grace to not have to fix whatever is happening immediately. Healing journeys take their time and being gentle with yourself is a beautiful beginning step.

Our society wants us to be happy or content all the time. This makes me annoyed because how is that freaking possible? To be happy all the time is exhausting and not sustainable. And in my personal experience, it’s unreasonable.

Amongst all of the events in my life from this last year, I realized that I needed to ride the wave of what was occurring. I needed to let myself be sad, stay in my jammies and let go of the social media schedule that I had been so desperately trying to keep up. I needed a break but instead I allowed myself to feel broken.

Let me say, I know we are never broken. We are never halved or split or separated from our true selves. What I’m talking about is a broken that I gave permission to be present. A feeling that something within me was unravelling itself to make room for something different, something new. The feeling of broken that I’m talking about is that full-body exhaustion where you can’t see into the future - some people call it depression, others might say they are symptoms of traumatic situations. Whatever it feels like for you, you may choose the word ‘broken’ like I did, and naming it gives it space. 

Hardships grow newness.

While I was allowing myself to feel my feels and notice my needs, I was also praying that the Light would shine brighter so I could see where I was supposed to take this experience.

This concept reminds me of nature! In winter life seems to be dormant and frozen. Then with rains we can get washed away, tumbled to a place we didn’t really want to be or think we were going to end up. But wherever it is that we land we can actually put roots down and start to grow anew!

The trials and tribulations that you go through are called life. Life has many definitions and meanings, as many as each of us are individuals. So why not redefine it for yourself and shed new light on how you see your unknowns?

Begin by gently noticing what’s feeling heavy on your shoulders and what you have come through the last little while. This could be the last 10 years or the last 10 months. The time associated to this is completely up to you. Then take a breath and put down your shoulders, relax your jaw or unclench your tummy - relax. Take another breath and know that you are amazing! You are going through or have gone through so very much to get you to where you are today. All the good, all the muck, it had lessons.

Facing yourself in the unknowns brings light, love and your true self to the surface bit by bit. We’re not supposed to be the same as we were yesterday, so why are we trying to be? 

Be the seed of awesome that you are and let those of us around you help you grow!

With so much Loving Light,
Leanne Rose